j guevara

Book Video Trailer: The Twain Shall Meet

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Posted in Blog | 7 Comments »

Lonely Planet Grind

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Judging by the PM’s I’ve been getting lately, it appears a lot of people are thinking about a more nomadic lifestyle. With the economy in the toilet and heading for the sewer and jobs disappearing faster than the family farm, it’s little wonder why a feeling of desperation has many thinking, ‘I gotta get the hell outta here’. But where? If my experience of over three decades as an incurable peregrinator can be of any help, I submit what I’ve learned so far.

Lonely Planet Grind

I needed to find untouched culture
A place to calm the mind
Where I could experience our past
The heart of humanity, the roots of mankind

Where could I find such space…
Where does this experience reside…
With nowhere to turn I bought the latest edition of
‘Lonely Planet Guide’

I thought the beaches of Bolivia
Would be nice to see
Too late,
They’ve been overrun by Chile

Lonely Planet said Titicaca
Machu Picchu is best
You and 3,000,000 others a year
On this spiritual quest.

In Sri Lanka, said Lonely Planet
Buddha’s tooth is persevered in Kandy
You may even spot the vanishing Tamil tiger
That sounded just dandy

But the guidebook failed to mention
A very important thing
Tamil tigers are the ones
Who actually do the hunting

Another must was Thai’s Royal Palace,
The world’s largest reclining emerald Buddha,
Exotic temple dancers in colorful sarong
And All-Nite Live U-See Stage Many Girlie Girlie Make Sex
In Bangkok’s sleazy Patpong

Lonely Planet raved Bali’s Kula Beach
Waves ranked surf first rate
I also learned the local dialect like,
G’day’, and ‘ave another piss, mate’.

Himal, Mount Everest Base Camp
The end of the planet
With hot showers, on time stock quotes
And micro-linkup Internet

Srinagar, Kashmir, hey, maybe I could buy a cheap sweater
But Islamic separatists and Hindu factions said I could do better

There’s always China, I thought,
Ancient past,
Ornate shrines,
Wisdom of the Tao
But the Cultural Revolution sledge hammered
And replaced it with
The Teachings of Mao

The South Pacific, Bali Hai is calling
That sounded like fun
Nope, missionaries changed all that
Where are cannibals when you need ‘em…

Tibet, Lhasa, Dalai Lama, Potola
the guide insisted was a must
But ya gotta wait three months to get a visa to ride
…in a typical-tourist, tinted-window, air-conditioned tour bus

The Mediterranean, Greek Islands in summer
Now that sounded like the place to be
By the time I got there Bohemians lined the beaches
Selling Indian jewelry

Remember primitive Bora-Bora
It’s now a Lifestyles Of The Rich and Shameless resort
Some people should have to pass a test
Before being issued a passport

Surely Greenland’s untouched arctic beauty
Thule’s gotta be the place for me
Wrong again…
The Inuit either had tuberculosis or were dying of dysentery.

Alaska fared no better
I explored its wilderness to find
100,000 caribou trying to figure out
How to get around a pipeline

Venice, gondolas, cathedrals, canals
I don’t know what I was thinking
That place has so many visitors a year
The whole city is slowly sinking

Well how ’bout the rainforests of Costa Rica
The sound of a mating Macaw…
But that was hard to hear
Over an un-muffled chainsaw

The guidebook said there was an Amazon tribe
That lived worlds apart
When I found that tribe they wanted to know
If I’d accepted Jesus into my heart

From Timbuktu to Tierra del Fuego
Is there no serenity…
Even Kalahari bushmen are hawking tiger teeth
And illicit ivory

A perfect guidebook should be written with flair
Tell the reader there’s a paradise
But don’t dare tell ‘em where

It’s enough to know it exists
Let that challenge your true grit
Half the fun in any pursuit
Is the adventure in how you find it

I followed Lonely Planet’s directions, did exactly as told
How stupid can you get when it said clearly on the cover
‘…Over 10,000,000 copies sold!’

Epilog:
The Lonely Planet Guide is still a good reference if you follow this suggestion…
Read what it has to say about your destination
Then head in the opposite direction…

Posted in Blog | 2 Comments »